Hippie talk is nice

I haven't written in a while, but its 3:20am and I have a lot on my mind. Where better to go than here?

5) I wish I had never been diagnosed as bipolar. Since then its been nothing but "Did you take your pill?" And self-help books for Christmas. Don't get me wrong, finally learning what it is I'm battling was liberating. I just wish I had been the only person to know.

4) Smoking pot does more for me than any pill. It puts an insomniac to bed, calms the bipolar moods, and encourages a disinterested girl to eat. Plus, I know exactly what's in it. I cannot say the same for my prescribed medication.

3) I simultaneously feel like an infant and an old soul. I'm just now becoming aware of the world around me, smells and sights and sounds are more meaningful. Its hard to describe, but I feel like I'm somehow catching up on something fundamental that I missed. However, part of me feels so much older than I am. That was already a secret from long ago, though. So I shall skip that half(:

2) I'm terrified because I'm happy. I keep letting old wounds distract me from current bliss. This affects me more than I let on, but I suppose some things are better left secrets (at least when it comes to the people involved.) However, here in this open arena I can honestly say that it kills me to put so much trust in him. I can't stand that he still texts his ex even though its harmless. It kills me that he intended to go to a New Years party with one of his female friends, even though they made those plans long before we got together. I hate that it looks like I care more than he does, even though he's notoriously vault-like when it comes to his true feelings. But, I can honestly say I'd rather take a chance and mangle my heart than give him up and live without him.

1) You are beautiful, meaningful, and worth the struggle. Yes you. The person reading this. I didn't think this was a secret, but not many people seem to know or understand it. Its taken me a long time to understand it myself, but it finally makes sense. You can discredit this as hippie talk or wishful thinking, but to me, it is absolute truth.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: n/a



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