Everyone makes mistakes, even spiteful ones

1. I have watched porn since I discovered it when I was about 11. I'm almost 18 now which would t seem so bad if I were a boy, but I am a very girly girl.
2. The guy I lost my virginity to hates me now. We haven't had a conversation in 6 months. I didn't do anything to make him hate me and it makes me upset thinking about how badly he wishes I were dead...
3. In order to "get over" the guy I lost my virginity to, I had a one night stand with a guy I had just met. I feel disgusting about it. I keep telling myself that everyone makes mistakes but I know deep inside I only did it to spite him.
4. I think about suicide constantly. I honestly think everyone would be happier without me there to ruin it all.
5. Within the past few months I've started smoking dope to ease the tensions of my life. I never wanted to be a pothead I promised myself that I wouldn't become a druggy like my grandfather.
THIS IS NOT WHO I WANT TO BE!
Help.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight



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