Anger management isn't cutting it

1. i really really have a crush on this guy but he is almost three years younger than me. he said that age didnt matter to him and then told my friend the opposite. he is a jerk but i really really like him and i dont know why.
2. i dream about having sex with him alot. i never tell my friends this because i am scared that they will judge me.
3.i cut all the time. sonetimes because im depressed and others because i just feel like i need it because i am a horrible person.
4. sometimes i think about killing myself. i dont want to be here anymore. i hate this life i just want to get away from everything.
5.sometimes i think about the times i was almost raped. all i want to do is drink so i will forget and i wont have to feel the pain of everyday life anymore.
bonus- im a horrible person i have really bad anger problems and i lash out at everyone. sometimes i hit the people that i love the most but i have always had problems. i have been seeing anger management doctors since i was 3. i was sexually assaulted when i was 3. my life sucks

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight



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