17 rough years

1. I am getting married at 17 and only my dad knows it but it does scare me but I tell my fiancee it doesn't. I do fear in being a horrible wife. I fear that I'll let him down. :(

2. I am heavily attracted to women. But I do love the feel of dick in me and emotional attraction with men. But women turn me on a lot more than men. 

3. I feel too under pressure with school and home. Being a maid for my mother and little sis.I barely have time for my work. 

4. Sometimes I just wish to disappear. I do feel invisible so why shouldn't I be gone.

5. The one thing I want is the most simple thing its stability and children. I've never had stability in my life. I been to over 30 schools. And I want to give my children a better life then dealing with two alcoholic drug addict parents who didn't get there life together till their oldest are almost 18 and leaving as soon as they turn 18. 

* an extra that I just need to say I am a ex junkie and alcoholic but sometime I do miss intoxicating myself with all that crap just to get a feel not to feel so numb anymore. 

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