That's it -- you just know

1) I don't understand why I am so quick to say 'I love you' to so many people and then after 6 months I get tired of them. 

2) When will I ever know what love really is? I don't have a clue what the word means but you can't run around and say 'I care about you'. No one hears that as anything other than you are avoiding saying 'I love you'.

3) I want to really feel love. I don't think that anyone I have ever been with has ever REALLY loved me. I think they cared about me and liked the fact that I did whatever they wanted whenever they wanted me to, but I don't think they really loved me.

4) Some days I don't even feel like I have love for my own child. I mean I don't want him dead or anything but some days I just would rather him be on the other side of the country with someone else. He drives me crazy most days. He acts like he hates me. How could I love someone like that? Makes me feel like such a horrible parent that I ever even feel that way. 

5) If someone has the answer to what love really is, I want to know. Way too many times I am looking and I just can't find it. I know my mom loves me but I can't tell you why she loves me or how I even know she does love me. I just know. 

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