Substandard of perfect

My sons daddy was 27 when we met. And I was 16. To this day my family don't know his real age. We hid our relationship until I was 18.  I was young stupid and in love so I believed in the whole age ain't nothin but a number thing..little did I know he actually preyed on young girls.

I am so in love wit my current boyfriend who is my daughters dad. He's also much older than me. But I know this is real this time. We been together for over 2 years n I still get the butterflies. Its that crazy love where the thought of losing that person makes ur heart beat all fast..

When I was 13 my boyfriend at the time forced me to suck his dick. I'm still fucked up over that shit. I ran into that motherfucker bout 8 years later n he acted like things were cool..he was wit his wife n apparently is all religious n shit now. I wonder if he feels remorse now..

I have a fear of eating or drinking something that someone has poisoned..at work if I walk away from my drink for only a min..I wont drink it. I'll throw it away. In stores I check to make sure things r air tight. I think someone might have injected it or somethin if its not. If I forget to check it before opening it..ill remember it before I eat it n throw it away. Nobody knows I do this.

I hate myself sometimes. I'm a really good mom and person in general but often I feel like I don't meet my own standards. I'm very insecure but nobody knows. 

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