Trying to cope

1) I ran away from home and left my kids and husband for 3 days and went on a meth binge.
2) 5 years ago, I took my daughter to the park but couldn't get out of the car because I was so high on coke I thought I was going to OD.
3) I've lied to doctors to get vicodin. I almost OD'd from crushing up oxycodone
4) I had an abortion 4 years ago and still think about it. I feel so guilty because I had 2 other kids after. At the time I found out about the pregnancy, my daughter was 3 months old.
5) I love my husband but he is lousy at sex and has a small penis. He cums in under 5 minutes and I have to fake it but when he rolls over to sleep, I have to masturbate to feel satisfied.