Mass random death is just so much easier

1- i have been with my husband for five years now, he cheated on me not even a week after we were married, he doesn't know that i know about it, or that he has been cheating the entire time we've been together with multiple other women.
2- sometimes i think about cheating on him or leaving him so that he will know the pain that i feel, but, i love him too much, so i just stay and deal with the pain on my own.
3- i hate my mother for making my father kill himself, and for never believing me about the abuse i have suffered from family members and family friends.
4- i have been raped more than once as well as molested for most of my childhood.
5- sometimes i wish that most of the ppl around me would just die so i could have a fresh start without having to leave or hurt anyone.