Who's a good teacher?

- i'm a 31 year old female and i've never had sex. but i watch enough porn and took enough sex ed classes so i sound like i know what i'm talking about.
- i'm too embarrassed to have sex with a person. the first & only boyfriend i had made fun of me because i wasn't a good kisser, so he dumped me. i was 19. i masturbate daily with my toys, but wouldn't know what to do with a real person.
- if i had the money i would go to the bunny ranch and pay to lose my virginity.
- i hate meeting people. most people think i am a snob and think i act better than everyone else but it's just because i am really shy and i don't know what to say!
- i have a photographic memory. i remember everything i say because i lie all the time and i have to remember those lies because it makes my life seem more interesting than it is!