Keeping up appearances

1. I am in loving relationships with two women who have no idea. I am co-raising each of their children.
2. I embezzled money from at least five former employers.
3. When I was young, I would hit my wrist or ankle with a hammer to injure myself and make up a story about how I got hurt.
4. I set fire to my house to get my parent's attention. They never found out the fire was started by me. The firemen called it arson.
5. I cheated throughout school, mostly with crib sheets. I was a good student.